My Understanding of Dowry before opening the Pandora box:
It is a social evil. It is a gift that is demanded from groom's side in cash or kind.
But Irony is that the above understanding of Dowry is overtly simplified, too immature and grossly incomplete.
You will be shocked to know how girls get dowry...without even realizing it. There is a custom where the groom's side spend lakhs in many communities to gift expensive Jewelry, dresses and make-up kit including everything from A to Z for the bride.
Irony is that I think it is also a form of dowry where instead of the girl's side... the guy's side or societal expectation is leading to such heavy spending. Mom still says, "It is a custom. I disagree."
Not only this, heavy spending on wedding is also a form of dowry even when nobody is asking. There is societal pressure and often the desire of parents of girls to have a grand wedding. Now, How to decide if it's dowry or not.
It is easy to understand that it is dowry when a guy's side says that we spent 50 Lakhs on my daughter's wedding. After all, by telling this indirectly he is hinting his expectation to the girl's side. I know this is DOWRY.
In another's case, a guy's family has explicitly told that they don't expect anything in cash or kinds yet they want a grand wedding. Is it dowry? Are you sure? Is it wrong for a parent of a guy to expect a grand wedding for his son when he is himself ready to spend lavishly on the wedding of his daughter.
Dowry is a complex issue and it is present in different forms. Many a times, it is difficult to know if an act is a dowry or a gift.
I have been doing a comprehensive study on the dowry system for over a year. Dowry has evolved a lot over the years and there are questions that are troubling me. I would've completed the study on my own but I reached out for suggestion, feedback and encouragement from fellow Quorans just to make this research stronger. I want to Campaign to kill this Monster called Dowry. But, before campaigning, I need to understand what is Dowry? I'm sorry, I'm confused and I feel so helpless at times researching this. I'm glad that now I might get some fresh perspective on this matter.
Many people talk about Dowry but I've never felt someone so keen to discuss on the various aspects of Dowry.
I am presenting the outline of my study and would request others who're vocal about the ill-effects of Dowry to offer whatever input they would like to provide with respect to following:
There are many questions and few answers. Do you want me to decode the psychology at play during Dowry. There is a thin line between dowry and gift. The pressure for dowry needn't be from the guy's side. Sometimes societal pressure and expectation also play vital role. Have you ever thought so much about Dowry. I hate Dowry like many other educated people.
Will you help me fight this monster called Dowry? Do share anything sensible, meaningful that could be helpful for this research via your comments.
I would share insights from My personal Project to Decode Dowry System once I complete this research with some social experiments and many more interviews with people from different walk of life. Please follow Psychological Patterns to get notified about future posts on this matter.
Rohan Sinha's answer to Do you have to give cash to your friends as wedding gifts in your country? - This question was asked by a Chinese and I was surprised to know that they give dowry for their friend's wedding.
It is a social evil. It is a gift that is demanded from groom's side in cash or kind.
But Irony is that the above understanding of Dowry is overtly simplified, too immature and grossly incomplete.
You will be shocked to know how girls get dowry...without even realizing it. There is a custom where the groom's side spend lakhs in many communities to gift expensive Jewelry, dresses and make-up kit including everything from A to Z for the bride.
Irony is that I think it is also a form of dowry where instead of the girl's side... the guy's side or societal expectation is leading to such heavy spending. Mom still says, "It is a custom. I disagree."
Not only this, heavy spending on wedding is also a form of dowry even when nobody is asking. There is societal pressure and often the desire of parents of girls to have a grand wedding. Now, How to decide if it's dowry or not.
It is easy to understand that it is dowry when a guy's side says that we spent 50 Lakhs on my daughter's wedding. After all, by telling this indirectly he is hinting his expectation to the girl's side. I know this is DOWRY.
In another's case, a guy's family has explicitly told that they don't expect anything in cash or kinds yet they want a grand wedding. Is it dowry? Are you sure? Is it wrong for a parent of a guy to expect a grand wedding for his son when he is himself ready to spend lavishly on the wedding of his daughter.
Dowry is a complex issue and it is present in different forms. Many a times, it is difficult to know if an act is a dowry or a gift.
I have been doing a comprehensive study on the dowry system for over a year. Dowry has evolved a lot over the years and there are questions that are troubling me. I would've completed the study on my own but I reached out for suggestion, feedback and encouragement from fellow Quorans just to make this research stronger. I want to Campaign to kill this Monster called Dowry. But, before campaigning, I need to understand what is Dowry? I'm sorry, I'm confused and I feel so helpless at times researching this. I'm glad that now I might get some fresh perspective on this matter.
Many people talk about Dowry but I've never felt someone so keen to discuss on the various aspects of Dowry.
I am presenting the outline of my study and would request others who're vocal about the ill-effects of Dowry to offer whatever input they would like to provide with respect to following:
- Introduction
- How Dowry has redefined and reinvent itself?
- What's the difference between Dowry and Gift?
- If a guy is accepting say an Expensive Car on his in-law's request when he is against dowry then Is he wrong?
- If he is rejecting the girl's father plea to accept the Car then Is he hurting the sentiments of a father who has always dreamed and saved to give that gift to his Daughter?
- What if the girl is willing to accept such gift from her father and the guy is adamant not to accept it? Is he showing male dominance?
- Transformation of Dowry
- What are the different ways in which people ask dowry?
- We don't want anything for us. Give whatever you want, to your daughter. Imagine the girl and the guy are software engineers in Bangalore. I've seen girl's side setting up every thing from kitchen utensils to Furniture to Electronics Appliances. Now, without asking for a penny the groom's side let them spend over 10 Lakhs. Is it dowry? Yes, it is dowry as per me but hold on,
- The girl's side don't feel so...because their psychology is that they gave all this to their daughter.
- This type of incidents are common now-a-days and I categorize this as dowry. Would never accept this but can't buy all that stuff at one go...Hope the girl will understand.
- What if the girl and the girl's side still insist on this? Won't this prove I am being a hypocrite to ever accept that, claiming I'm against dowry?
- Do you know some people prefer to marry someone who is richand don't have brothers, so that they can get share in the property of their in-laws. I'm feeling ashamed to even write all this but when you do a surgery your hands will taste blood. So, let it be... Isn't it dowry? How to prevent such sick people from getting successful in their agenda?
- This is a personal question. Please be kind enough to help as I've to reply to a good friend who silenced me even when I know that I'm on the right track with the right intent.
- The topic was the inheritance of property of parents by daughter.
- I've seen that even when the law in India already allow the daughters the right of inheritance of property still they rarely get their share.
- While I say above statement- It's not because my Mom or we want any share in the Property of my Loving Uncles.
- It's not because I would like to get the inherited property of my wife. In fact refer point-2-b above- few people want to marry rich girls for this only- Isn't it dowry?
- I've already told my parents that, "It is embarrassing to talk about such things with you all but I want both of you to know that you have already done so much for us by giving us right values and education and so I request you to never differentiate with my sister.
- If you like you can give away your properties to charity or X, Y, Z. I would not inherit from you anything which is more than the share my sister will get"- In a nutshell, I want my sister to inherit from our parents which is her legal as well as genuine right.
- I discussed with PQR about this and he feels that I don't want to get anything from my would-be-wife's side and hence I'm depriving my imaginary wife from her legal right. But, will it not be a dowry to get expensive things from the girl's side.
- I want a simple marriage for myself but a grand one for my sister. It's just because I don't want dowry but I'm not shy in giving gifts to my sister. Is it unfair for my imaginary wife? Is it unfair to deprive my parents from witnessing a grand wedding for their son when their daughter will get a grand wedding.
- If you want a grand wedding for your son. Arrange it on your own. Why you didn't save for your son's wedding? Why you want a grand wedding for your son because you've spent heavily on your daughter's wedding? Is it Dowry?
There are many questions and few answers. Do you want me to decode the psychology at play during Dowry. There is a thin line between dowry and gift. The pressure for dowry needn't be from the guy's side. Sometimes societal pressure and expectation also play vital role. Have you ever thought so much about Dowry. I hate Dowry like many other educated people.
Will you help me fight this monster called Dowry? Do share anything sensible, meaningful that could be helpful for this research via your comments.
I would share insights from My personal Project to Decode Dowry System once I complete this research with some social experiments and many more interviews with people from different walk of life. Please follow Psychological Patterns to get notified about future posts on this matter.
Rohan Sinha's answer to Do you have to give cash to your friends as wedding gifts in your country? - This question was asked by a Chinese and I was surprised to know that they give dowry for their friend's wedding.
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